ISFJ Relationships

Sensitive, kind and caring, (in a very practical way), their at times over-accommodating nature means that the ISFJ may be taken advantage of. It isn’t so much that the ISFJ is worried over confrontation because when a value is transgressed the perpetrator may get an uncharacteristic verbal lashing, surprising those who thought that quiet and shy meant weak and fragile. Values and feelings are at the heart of who the ISFJ is as such are not to be treated lightly. It is more about their need to give, to support and care for that means they may get taken for granted.

They are also very deep, thinking deeply and long and hard about issues, taking them seriously and often fretting unnecessarily about the small things. The ISFJ has a tendency to catastrophise and see the worst situation, their glasses are often half empty. However this does help protect others from undue risk-taking or haring off in the wrong direction.

It is more about the very private nature of the ISFJ and any confrontation may allow others ‘in,’ something which would make the ISFJ very uncomfortable. The ISFJ will share their thoughts and feelings with only a very few other people, and indeed anyone revealing such information, however innocently, will have transgressed the ISFJ ‘unwritten law of personal disclosure’ and the ISFJ will ‘henceforth’ withdraw all trust from that person. However the ISFJ will often be the unsung hero in an organisation and a little appreciation and respect goes an awfully long way.

ISFJs are deep and caring with strong values and these will be held privately until the ISFJ allows people in. What others will perceive is a helpful, supportive, patient and detailed individual who is under the radar. The ISFJ is sociable but doesn’t like the spontaneity of crowds. The ISFJ is an emotional type, but may struggle at times to deal with these, as they are so private and reflective. It may be possible to deeply offend an ISFJ and not realise it, so private are they.

Once allowed close the ISFJ will open up but it will take time and they are not naturally forthcoming. This may mean it emerges in small chunks, often off the back of other conversations. ISFJs have a strong sense of what is right and wrong and will tend to do what they believe is right, even at the expense of themselves. They really do want to support, care and are generous with their time.

The ISFJ will initially close down on conflict as they prefer harmony and indeed will work hard at creating that. Indeed the ISFJ will be a superb diffuser of conflict but they themselves do not enjoy it. ISFJs are often called ‘the defender’ and this is because they will stand up for what is right and the rights of others. So whilst they may shun conflict personally, they will fight for other people. Naturally more quiet and low key, the ISFJ will be conciliatory and seek consensus preferring to see good in people and they will look to get to a resolution that makes everyone happy. Altercations and over interaction in general sucks the energy of the ISFJ and so they will need some private ‘me’ time to recharge their batteries and build up their energy levels.