ESTJ Relationships

The ESTJ is outspoken, a person of principles, which are readily and directly expressed. ESTJs are not afraid to stand up for what they believe is right even in the face of overwhelming odds. ESTJs are able to take the tough decisions and every single person will know exactly where they stand. This honesty and directness is both refreshing and hard-hitting in equal measure. If you ask the ESTJ what they are thinking they will tell you, bluntly and in minute detail. The ESTJ is slightly formal in their communication style and, depending upon how close you are to the ESTJ, will be factual and clear. They do not really get the subtleties of nuance in communication and this desire for facts and clarity can mean the ESTJ can unknowingly upset people, simply by trying to ensure clarity.

The ESTJ is primarily traditional and really do place a premium on family values, etc and they are genuinely helpful and caring. It is just that they are so factual, so direct and tend to focus on the message, rather than the person who is receiving it. They tend to be more action oriented than readers of people and situations and so to get the attention of an ESTJ will require clarity and facts, not trying the subtle approach as the ESTJ may just steamroller on, but believing they are doing the right thing. ESTJs are very good at making impersonal decisions quickly, and standing by those decisions. The more emotional decisions, or less tangible situations require the ESTJ to translate the nuances into something factual and deliverable that they can get in and do.

ESTJs are built to take charge, at work, at play and in relationships. They are essentially caring and traditional but they will express themselves with a directness that can at times be bone jarring. The ESTJ doesn’t really get emotions or indeed anything they see as irrational and if someone is upset they will have to translate this into practical issues that they can then deal with factually and practically. ESTJs are extremely open and direct but they don’t really truly ‘get’ or understand emotions. Everything is translated into facts and data and presented in a logical way that can leave people feeling processed. The ESTJ is built to get things done, taking charge, helping and making sure that the plan is stuck to. They may not demonstrate empathy but they will care in their way, which is practically.

ESTJs are happy with conflict, as they are essentially impervious to their environment and so would see conflict as simply an element of getting things done, and may not ‘get’ others who are more sensitive. The ESTJ wants to plan the work, work the plan in life as well as work. So if things are not moving forward, as agreed, they will be extremely vocal as driving for closure is what they’re built for. Direct and factual the ESTJ may inadvertently upset others who are more feeling as they see honesty and incredible directness as the same thing and so may at times project an honesty that is brutal. Conflict is all part of getting things done and so the ESTJ will not let it affect them nor harbour ill feelings. It needs to be said, it has been said, we’re all clear so now let’s move on would be their motto.