ESFJ Relationships

ESFJs value family links, friendships and tend to be slightly sentimental in their approach. They will want to appreciate and involve others. Under pressure an ESFJ may become like the 'controlling parent,' smothering others in their attempt to provide support and believing that their way is best, becoming sensitive to any perceived criticism. The ESFJ will need to ‘talk it out,’ vocalize what they are doing and this extraversion, combined with ‘S’ means they will go into minute detail rather than chunk up the message. If you ask an ESFJ how they are feeling they will be grateful, (as they are usually the one checking up on others), and then may go into what will appear a lot of unnecessary detail in explaining how they are. This is because the ESFJ will have to go through all the facts and in the order in which they happened. Leaving out a fact is like an omission, and the ESFJ does not like omissions.

The ESFJ makes a priority task of ensuring people are taken care of, and will work long and hard at making sure harmony is maintained. Whilst the ESFJ wants everyone to feel valued, they will also want to feel part of the group themselves - they need to feel included. If someone is hurting, the ESFJ will be the first to respond. Paradoxically this means they may be taken for granted, so focused are they on the needs of others that they may actually to do too much for others and so abrogate their own needs, feelings and interests to the needs of those they have chosen to take care of.

ESFJs are cooperative, sympathetic pragmatists who dislike anything ethereal or woolly as they prefer practical solutions to people issues and they'll work hard at planning to making this happen. The ESFJ is emotional but will tend to deal with the emotions of others in a practical way making sure there is a clear plan and it is followed. However the ESFJ may not like anything they perceive as criticism. 

ESFJs are extremely talkative and will voice their feelings easily, including clearly telling others what they should do and also have their own strong views on issues which are important to them. ESFJs are driven by a sense of duty, of being at the centre of things and making sure that everything is taken care of with a clear plan of action and that people are following this, in detail.

Because of their natural ‘take charge’ style, the ESFJ will want to diffuse conflict and ensure that harmony is created. This will be done with a no-nonsense, factual common sense approach. Down to earth and practical the ESFJ feels that social obligations and responsibilities come before personal fun or relaxation and they will work hard to ensure that harmony is creative and maintained. Under pressure the ESFJ may become quite parental in their desire to control and create harmony. They are the natural people organisers and although emotional will feel it’s their duty to sort things out.  For the ESFJ it is about the end result: did the problem get sorted, are people happy now, was the plan followed? For themselves on occasion the ESFJ can feel that other people do not appreciate them.